Confessions of a Broken Heart
by BandBelong
Summary: Booth chooses to spring news on Brennan on that could change the path of their lives forever. Too bad his timing is just a little bit off...A series of flashbacks leads up to what happens. Angst alert...but it ends up well, I promise. A quick 2 part story
1. Broken Control

**Angsty little 2-shot...i cried writing parts of it...be ready...to reveiw that his...lol...thanks**

She sat, crumpled against the wall of her apartment. Her head in her hands, the tears continuing to flow down her face. Her entire body wracked with sobs, so uncontrollably that it was hard to breath.

The events of the past half hour continued to play on constant rotation through her head. Why couldn't she stop them? She wanted the images out of her head. She felt physically sick, but she couldn't bring herself to stand up to go and empty the contents of her stomach in the bathroom 10 feet away.

If this was what it felt to have a broken heart, then it was horrible. She felt like she was being ripped in two. The pain, the searing pain hitting right in her heart of what she had just done was unbearable.

She remembered the words she had yelled, and immediately the uncontrollable sobs came again.

**FLASHBACK**

She was studying the box of brownies very carefully when she heard knocking on her door. She wondered who it was. Turning off the oven to avoid burning down her apartment, she meandered over to the door, smiling when she saw who it was.

"Booth. Come in."

"Hey Bones."

He looked nervous and tired as he walked into her apartment. She wondered what was wrong.

"What's going on."

"I need to talk to you."

"Ok."

"You probably want to sit down."

She nodded as they sat down on her couch. Where they had sat many times talking about their problems. Or at least since 3 months ago.

"What's wrong Booth? You look terrible."

He took a deep breath. He had no idea what he was about to say would shatter everything into a million pieces.

"Ok. I know this is really bad timing. And I don't expect you to understand."

"Booth, what is it? Has someone died? Did you shoot someone?"

He shook his head. She smiled. He hated that what he was about to say would probably wipe the smile off her face.

"No. Ok then it can't be that bad."

"You're going to be angry. Maybe you won't want to see me again, but I have to say it. I'm in love with you Temperance. I've been in love with you forever."

She felt like she had been hit by a truck. Her heart rate sped up, and she felt like she couldn't stand, but she did anyway. How could he do this to her?

"Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me Booth!? You wait 3 year to tell me this? I'm getting married tomorrow! You think you have the right to come in and screw that up for me."

"Calm down Bones. I'm not trying to screw things up for you."

He could see the tears brimming at the corner of her eyes.

"Calm down!? I'm getting married Booth! I have a fiancé that has no idea how you feel about me. And he loves me. Ryan LOVES me! And now you come and tell me that you love me. You don't get to do this to me."

He tried to speak, but she continued.

"I had to tell you how I feel, before you marry him."

"No. No you lost that right a year ago, when I told you how I felt and you just threw it back in my face. Get out."

"Temperance."

"No Booth! Get out now. I hate you."

She saw the hurt on his face as the words spilled from her mouth. She didn't care. He was killing her right now. He stood up, he could see she was trying to keep from crying.

"I'm sorry Bones."

"No you're not. Otherwise you wouldn't have come here and done this."

As soon as he stepped out the door, she slammed it. Not wanting to see his face. She couldn't. As soon as she slammed the door, she erupted into sobs, as she slid down against the wall.

**END FLASHBACK**

The sun was setting outside. That meant there was about an hour until Ryan came home from work. She was still crying. She couldn't help it. After the rage and frustration she had felt at Booth subsided it just made her sad. The things she had said. The way she had yelled.

It was true. Right before she met Ryan, just over a year ago, she had decided to tell Booth how she felt. What an idiot she had been. That had been the first time she had felt her heart break. This was the second.

He loved her, but she couldn't love him back. It wasn't fair.

She looked up at the pictures around the apartment. A lot of them Angela had taken, and she was glad she did. They made her happy, thinking about happy times.

One of her favorites was of her and Ryan. He was so handsome. His black hair flopped lazily over his dark eyes, and his kind face. He had his arm around her, and was kissing her cheek, while she smiled. She looked sort of embarrassed, but like she didn't really mind.

Now looking at it, it just made her feel sick. Like she had cheated on him. But she hadn't. She really had though. Emotionally. If there was such a thing.

The picture next to it was of her and Angela. Booth had taken it when the 3 of them had had to drive down to Florida to check out a body that had been found in a crocodile. They were sitting on a rock next to the ocean, smiling, Angela had her arm loosely swung around her friends shoulders and Brennan was laughing.

A picture of the entire squint squad on the lab platform. She and Booth were leaning against the railing, Hodgins and Zach had been caught in mid tackle, Angela was sitting on a clean autopsy table and Cam was laughing at Zach and Hodgins. She smiled weakly when the looked at it.

The next picture made her feel sick also. It was of her and Booth. Angela had taken it on her birthday last year. The squint squad had thrown a surprise birthday for her. Angela had taken it without them knowing, framed it, and given it to Brennan a few days later. He was ruffling her hair while she laughed, trying to swat his hand away.

The day she had told Booth how she felt, was clear in her mind, and she couldn't push it away. At that time it had felt like the worst day of her life.

**FLASHBACK**

They were sitting on the couch in Booth's apartment drinking beer. Correction, he was drinking beer, she was gulping down a glass of water. She was too nervous to drink alcohol; she knew she would throw it up.

"So Bones, what's up? You seem pretty upset."

"I' m ok. I just need to say something."

"Ok shoot."

She put her glass down, running a hand through her hair. She took a deep breath. She knew this was a mistake. She had come to Booth's apartment in a moment of stupidity at 11 pm. She had the crazy thought in her head that it was better to come out and do it then live with the pain of keeping it a secret. Now she wished she was asleep in her own bed.

"This is hard to say. I don't know to begin."

"Whatever it is, you can tell me. We're partners right?"

He smiled at her, trying to reassure her. Instead she just felt more nervous.

"That's just it. We're partners, but I'm, I, I have feelings for you."

He swallowed. Did she just say what he thought she said. No way. It couldn't be. She was telling him that she was romantically inclined to him.

"What do you mean Bones?"

"I have feelings for you Booth. Logically I shouldn't, we're partners, but you're there for me...more than anyone ever has been..I want to be with you..more than just partners."

She breathed out. She had said it. Now all she had to do was wait to see what he said.

"Bones. We can't."

"What?"

She didn't think he would reject her. Had she been reading his signs wrong. She was bad with people, but she thought that he felt the same way.

"I mean. You're one of my closest friends, but not like that. We should keep our relationship professional. I just don't feel that way about you."

Booth felt sick, hearing the words coming out of his mouth. He loved her, and now he was telling her that he didn't. That he didn't want a relationship like that. What was he doing?

"Oh god. I shouldn't have come. I'm so stupid. To think that you would, that you… that you have feelings for me."

She stood, grabbing her jacket. He grabbed her arm.

"Bones. Don't do this."

"No I need to go Booth. I'll um, see you tomorrow."

She basically sprinted out of his apartment slamming the door behind her. He put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe what he what he had just did. He was head over heels in love with her. But there was too much to loose. And now he had hurt her horribly, and he knew that. The things he had said. That he didn't have any feeling for her.

As soon as she got to her car, she leaned her head against the steering wheel. She was in shock. The silent tears pouring down her cheeks. Everything had changed in a moment.

**END FLASHBACK**

She finally stopped crying. What was she going to do. How could she handle this. Ryan was perfect in everyway. He was kind, smart, handsome, and sweet to her. He liked her social incompetence's, and appreciated her brilliance. But Booth, Booth was everything. She was still in love with him. But she had made a promise to Ryan. She was engaged.

She looked at the ring on her finger. Twisting it around. Why had she ever said yes? She was still in love with Booth, and she knew it. But what was she supposed to say?

FLASHBACK

She remembered the day clearly. It had felt normal. She had kissed Ryan goodbye, grabbed coffee, and drove to the Jeffersonian, but when she got there something was different.

Walking onto the lab platform everyone had been quiet. She looked to the autopsy tables to see what remains they were working on today, but instead she had been greeted with color. Hundreds of bouquets of roses were on the tables.

Red, white, yellow, pink, dark purple, orange. They were beautiful. She was about to ask what was going on when Ryan stepped out from behind the table.

"Ryan? What are you doing here?"

He kneeled down, taking her hand in his. He pulled out a small black velvet box. She didn't know why women were always written as being nervous and flustered when a man brought out a jewelry box, but now she knew. Even her, who didn't believe in marriage felt jittery.

"Temperance. I love you more then I've ever loved someone. This past year has been amazing. I want every year for the rest of my life with you. Will do me the honor of being my wife?"

He opened the box to reveal a perfectly cut square diamond on a platinum band. Simple and beautiful. She put a hand over her mouth. The answer had come to her easily, without really even thinking.

"Yes. Yes I'll marry you."

As soon as she said it she felt regret. Her heart didn't totally belong to Ryan and she was well aware of it.

He kissed her, and then wrapped his arms around her. She hugged him back, but she couldn't help but catch a glimpse of Booth, scowling on the other side of the lab platform. Their eyes connected. She had wished she was in his arms.

**END FLASHBACK**

She stood up, walking to the bathroom. She turned on the lights, and glanced at herself. She looked horrible. Her eyes were puffy and her mascara was running down her face.

Splashing the cold water on her face, she tried to reorient herself. Tomorrow she would get married, and everything would be fine. She loved Ryan. She loved Ryan. She loved Ryan. She would repeat it until she really felt it.

The door opened, and she knew it was Ryan. Booth didn't have a key. Ryan lived with her, he had for the last 3 months. He made her feel less alone, which was nice, but sometimes she wanted to throw him out and be alone. It was confusing.

"Sweetie! Temp, I'm home."

She needed someone right now. Anyone to hold her, and tell her it would be ok. Even if it wasn't.

"Ryan."

She ran into his arms. He was surprised, but wrapped his arms around her as she cried. It felt nice to have someone to comfort her. She buried her head in his shoulder.

"Hey its ok. Its ok."

The thing was it wasn't ok. And she knew it.

**Didja like it? Tell me...the 2nd part should be up tomorow ;))**


	2. No Choice

**Part II..hope you like it...thanks for all the amazing reviews, you guys rule :)))**

The rain was falling hard, every drop visible on her windshield. The slapping sound as the thick fat drops hit the windshield was defining as it was the only sound in the car. The weather seemed to be reflecting on her current mood. Dark and depressed.

She sat in the car, the engine off, letting the rain pound on the windshield. She leaned over on the steering wheel letting a muffled sob escape her lips. Everything had happened so fast. Now she was sitting alone in the parking lot of apartment complex. The same place she had been sitting for 2 hours. The rain had started about an hour ago, as the pale blue sky was replaced by angry dark clouds.

Rain. It was supposed to be good luck when you got married. She glanced at the small electronic clock on the dashboard. 11:34. Right now she would have been pulling on the beautiful white dress she had chosen. It wasn't poofy or lacy or frilly at all. Instead just an uncomplicated strapless A-line silk shift had been her choice. Simple and striking. Just like her, or at least that's what Ryan had said.

Instead of slipping on her beautiful dress, she was sitting in her car as the rain thrashed down around her, trying to build up the courage which she hadn't been able to summon for the last 2 hours.

Was this the wrong decision? Was she wrong for the first time in her life to go with her gut? Actually this was the second. The time she had first told Booth how she felt had been the first. Look how well that had ended up. She had gone with how she felt, and now the she only felt alone.

It was hard to face the facts. That she couldn't go back in time. Only forward. Except at the moment, forward seemed like the scariest way to go.

**FLASHBACK**

She tried to forget it all. All that she had been remembering, but she couldn't. Ryan asked her what was wrong, and all she said was she had had a bad day at work. That Cam had yelled at her. Being the perfect guy he was, he had believed her. A part of her had wished that he hadn't.

After dinner she had pulled out the current case she and Booth were working on. A 23 year old woman had gone missing while taking care of her little sister. The sister's body had been found burned in a park, and she and Booth hadn't gotten very far on the case yet.

She had hoped that someone else's problems would occupy her mind, and get it off everything else. That it would make her feel less sick and revolted with herself. She hadn't felt worse since her parents went missing.

Too bad it didn't work.

Ryan had watched a football game on TV. She lied curled up in his arms, but it felt wrong. Like she was doing something wrong for spending time with her fiancé. All she could think about was Booth. She wanted to get out of her own skin.

Now she was lying awake at 11:59 pm. She stared at the clock as it changed to 12. Her wedding day. The days that had filled her with joy thinking of it were gone, and all she felt was dread.

The night ran again in her head. _I' m in love with you Temperance. I've been in love with you forever. I hate you. _That had been her response. She was such and idiot. She was still in love with him, even on the day of her wedding and all she had been able to say was "I hate you?" She had just been blindsided by the hurt, fear, and anger that had been the go to emotions she had felt for so long.

She needed to make a choice, and she realized she just had. She shook Ryan.

"Ryan, Ryan. Wake up."

He immediately opened his eyes. He looked alarmed, his eyes bright as the moon shone in through the gap in the shades.

"Temp. Is something wrong?"

"No. I mean yes."

He sat up. She hated herself for what she was going to do.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't marry you."

She clenched the sheets between her fingers, afraid what he was going to say.

"Temp, getting cold feet is normal. Its just anxiety."

"No its not. I can't marry you tomorrow Ryan."

"If you need to postpone the wedding, for any reason its ok. It's a bit inconvenient, but if there's anyone who I'd do that for, its you."

He intertwined their fingers, but she pulled away. He looked at her confused.

"Ryan listen to me. You're a great guy, and I tried to convince myself that I was in love with you. But I'm not. Nothing is going to make me fall in love with you on a whim. And I know this is the worst possible timing, but I can't marry you. Not now. Not ever."

Tears spilled out of her eyes. They felt like they were burning her cheeks. She was sad because she knew that there was no going back after this. Because a part of her had broken. And most of all because she knew she had broken Ryan's heart, just like her's had been broken, exactly one year ago. Broken by the person who she loved the most.

**END FLASHBACK**

She promised herself just one more minute. Another half and hour had passed by and she was still sitting in the car. The rain hadn't stopped. In fact it was coming down harder. Maybe it was a sign she really shouldn't get out of the car.

Reaching up to wipe her eyes, she was surprised when they were dry. She had cried lately more then ever, but she guessed her tear ducts were dry. It was relieving, and slightly unnerving. She felt even emptier without her tears.

Ryan had told her that he'd make all the arrangements. That he would tell everyone that the wedding was off. She hadn't resisted. She didn't want to face anyone. She was ashamed off what she'd done.

He seemed hollow. He had left that night, and hour after she had told him. He had gotten his stuff together, as she followed him silently around the apartment. She asked him where he was going, he asked her why she cared.

As he was leaving he kissed her softly on the cheek, telling her that if he hurt her again that he wouldn't be there. She was confused, had he known the whole time how she felt about Booth? It was impossible. She had stood in the doorway in silence, for minutes, until she realized he wasn't coming back.

Last night she hadn't really gotten any sleep. She didn't know what to do. When she thought of the idea, she hadn't really believed that she would go through with it, but she had, and then she had sat up all night, wondering what to do next.

Now she was sitting in her car, as the world seemingly came down around her. So much for being proactive.

All of sudden she remembered something that her mind had tried to block out, but she couldn't block it out now.

**FLASHBACK**

The car was unnaturally silent. Usually the silence was comfortable, welcoming even. Now it was just deafening almost to the point of suffocation. The spacious SUV that usually seemed so palatial seemed tiny and cramped.

Booth fiddled awkwardly with the radio controls. The SUV was instantly filled with the sound of a wailing violin. Brennan winced. Booth changed it again, and this time angry rap overflowed the car.

As he turned the dial once more, the smooth sound of a radio host's voice was overbearing.

"This one goes out to anyone with a broken heart. This is K-Lite FM 102.8 with Lindsay Lohan's _Confessions of a Broken Heart._"

Booth hit the mute button, and the silence was back. He tapped his finger on the steering wheel as Brennan stared at him oddly. He could feel her eyes on him.

"What Bones?"

She could hear the edge in his voice. She didn't know why it was there.

"Aren't you going to say something?"

"About what?"

"Isn't it common chivalry when someone gets engaged that you say congratulations?"

"I thought you didn't believe in marriage."

He hadn't looked at her during their whole conversation, as if he was sickened by the sight of her. It wasn't a good feeling.

"I don't."

"Then why are you getting married?"

"He asked me. I love him, so the common pathology is that I say yes."

She thought she saw him wince as she said the sentence, but maybe she was just imagining it. Ever since she started dating Ryan, Booth hadn't said anything about him. Usually he was critical of her boyfriends, but she just figured that Ryan was to good for Booth to find anything wrong with him.

Booth parked the car; apparently they had arrived at their destination. He turned to her, their eyes connecting in an intense stare. She hadn't forgotten the shivers that were sent down her spine as he looked at her.

"Congratulations."

**END FLASHBACK**

She lifted her hand to knock on the door, but pulled it down. The numbers stared at her. He was right behind the door; all she had to do was knock.

There was a mirror in the hall of the apartment building. She glanced at herself quickly. She usually wasn't one to care about appearances, but in this case it was important. She had carefully chosen her navy silk blouse, with its v-neck in the front and back. Of course she was wearing a heavy coat to keep her warm and dry, but the effect was the same. Her favorite pair of jeans had been an easy choice, they were the most flattering. She had let her hair hang loosely waves around her face, which had been ruined by running across the parking lot in the rain, but it was the thought that counts anyways.

She lifted her hand, taking a deep breath as she knocked hard on the door. She waited for it to open, but it didn't. She knocked again multiple times. There was no response. For some reason she felt incredibly hopeless. He wasn't there. She needed to speak to him now. It was important. She couldn't cancel her wedding and break up with her fiancé and not get to talk to Booth the same day.

She leaned her forehead against the wood of the door, feeling the familiar tears come again. So much for being out cried. They were ice against her cheeks this time.

"Don't cry Bones."

She turned, confused. Booth was standing outside the small elevator. He had on jeans and a sweatshirt, his hair and shoulders drenched from the rain. He was smiling at her. The smile that had persuaded her a thousand times.

"Booth."

"You're supposed to getting married."

"I know."

He was about to speak when she interrupted him.

"I'm broke up with Ryan. I'm not getting married. I can't."

"You can't. Why?"

"You. I can't because the only thing I could think of was you. And I don't want to anymore. I don't want to think of you. I wanted to get married, like a normal person, but instead I have to be in love with you,"

She wiped the tears from her eyes, trying to continue her sentence.

"I have to be in love with you. People say that love is supposed to make you feel fulfilled, but being in love with you…is the hardest thing in the world. I don't want to do it anymore."

She was about to speak, when she was cut off by Booth's lips on hers. He pulled her to him, their bodies pressed close together, as he ran his hand through her hair, devouring his lips in hers. The kiss was what she had been waiting for for 3 years. It shocked her from her lips to the tip of her toes. They both pulled away, grinning at each other.

"Don't cry anymore. It doesn't suit you."

She nodded, smiling as she wiped away the tears that were wet on her cheeks.

"Do you want to come in? It's raining pretty hard out there."

She nodded, leaning into him.

He wrapped an arm around her, as he opened the door to his apartment. Finally for the first time, maybe it was time for their broken hearts to repair themselves and start anew.

**Toldja I would fix it...they love each other...yay :)**


End file.
